Happiness is an electronic device. The shining faces on cell phone commercials tell the viewer that smiles can be had by texting and tweeting. Google, Facebook, and Amazon answer your every question, supply you with thousands of friends, and send stuff overnight to your doorstep! Google, with that friendly female voice that supplies all the answers to all your questions, is causing a steady decline in people seeking information and data at their local libraries. In the not-too-distant future, these libraries (invented by Alexander the Grate, and organized by Adm. Dewey) will be repurposed with car washers, tanning and nail salons, and Greyhound bus facilities. Libraries have defined “ light reading” as books of 2000 words or less, being read by people weighing less than 115 pounds.
As technology accelerates, I find myself becoming impatient waiting for the newest and fastest version of electronic gadgetry to improve my life and enhance my social capacity. I presently have Windows 10. I want to leap over the years and purchase Windows 19. These are not only computer windows; they are household Windows as well. These windows contain screens (duh) that keep the bugs out; not just computer bugs, but flies, mosquitoes, and Japanese beetles as well.
Russia, trying to imitate the West in popular music, is hosting a Battle of the Bands in July 2017. The Beach Boys would compete against Boris and the Butchers. Willie Nelson’s “City of New Orleans”, would go solo against Rasputin plays Ragtime. Another matchup: Vladimir and Sergei singing “I love Leningrad in Springtime” opposed by Dolly Parton’s rendition of “Working 9 to 5”. Two American backup bands, “Scar Tissue and the Bleeders”, plus “Wally and the Wing Nuts” will also compete. The opening ceremonies will feature arm wrestling between Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump wearing Speedo’s which display their countries flags. There will be a flyover by the Blue Angels to start the show; closing ceremonies will feature 40,000 Soviet tanks.
The deepest thinkers on Madison Avenue, in an effort to convince consumers to trust their message, have decided to use “real people, not actors“, in their commercials. Do they believe the buying public will be swayed by this? Do they believe the buying public is chronically and irreparably stupid? The correct answer is yes.
Along similar lines, the AMA and the American Pharmaceutical Association (using actors and not real people), demonstrate in their commercials how the taking of a pill, or a simple surgical procedure that can be done on your lunch break, can turn a frown into a smile. The super pills side effects, shown on the TV creeper, start with headache and nausea and finish with death. No matter what life extending pill or miracle medical procedure is being offered, there is no mention about the cost or how it will be paid.
Occupational hazard, i.e. you are what you do; your work defines you. When I received this bit of data during an introduction, I automatically assume how much you make, the year and make of your vehicle, etc. etc. I also, subconsciously, try to determine if you are above or below me in the human hierarchy. Where do we stand in our social pecking order? Should I envy you? Should I feel jealous of your achievements? In the immortal words of the King of Siam, “Tis a puzzlement”.