The words that form our language, probably take days or even weeks to create. Just imagine a committee made up of 26 people, who represent each letter of the alphabet. The “S” group has a major proposal to put up before the selection committee; in other words (drumroll), a brand new word! After weeks of research and debate, this ad hoc group; consisting of Sam, Simon, Saul, Stanley, and Sid believed they had found the perfect word to describe something delicate, or faintly mysterious, cunning, skillful, clever, and perhaps ironic. The word they had chosen to represent those feelings was “subtle”, and it was to be pronounced as {sutul}. “What?!, Huh?” The chairman screamed “where did the B come from?, And LE instead of UL; how much liquor and drugs did you clowns consume?!” When the vote came down, the S guy’s word subtle was accepted for everyday use by the general public. Except for a few skirmishes in the hollows of rural Kentucky and Tennessee, the new word was assimilated overnight, in a very subtle way, into the English language. After its debut at the Carnegie Library in Philadelphia, large containers of subtle were shipped to major cities all over the country. We must remember that America was still in the process of reading the operations manual on two new words, phone {fone?} and sure {shur?}, that had just been released three days ago.
Meanwhile, on Mount Olympus, the gods were having a field day! Having just signed a long-term contract with the Madison Avenue ad-men, Zeus, the head God, gave permission to some of the lesser gods to develop personal product lines. A new cutting edge men’s fragrance was hyped as “Aristotle in a Bottle!” Neptune, God of the sea, introduced bacon wrapped shrimp, and Pluto sold the rights to his name to Walt Disney in exchange for lifetime tickets at Disney World. Cyclops signed a 20 year deal for personal appearances and testimonials for Lens Crafters, and Apollo opened a theater in New York that promoted African-American entertainers. Mercury, the swiftest God, with his little helmet and those cute wings on his ankles, became the corporate image of Florist Telegraph Delivery; Vulcan, the God of fire, pulled down some major dollars in a partnership with Harvey Firestone to help his rubber meet the road. Commercial history was made when Nike tapped Michael Jordan to hustle sneakers to wannabe athletes (minimum purchase, 10 pair).
Excluded from these enterprises was a lesser-known God who didn’t make the cut. He was considered devoid of personality, and blatantly transparent; in other words you could see right through him. This low-end doofus was named Cellophane, pronounced(c-lo-fa-nee). His mom said “he stayed in his room a lot and didn’t have any friends”. Neighbors observed him digging in his backyard at 3 AM.
Anyone can be a know- it- all now a days. The world of information, indeed the answer to every question, can be had at the push of a button. It’s in the phone, the iPad, or the computer; it’s education in the palm of your hand. I’m looking at the big picture here; does anyone else see the possibilities? Give a kid and iPhone or tablet at age 2 years, and with the aid of loving parents, he will never see the inside of a school. Everything a child, teen, young adult, or old adult needs to know is in the box. Let’s get back to the big picture possibilities I spoke of earlier. We won’t need schools of any kind!! No more brick and mortar structures that have all the charm of a minimum security prison! All that prime property would be available for more important needs i.e. shopping centers and condos. No more heavy backpacks, cafeteria lunches, awkward gym classes, and bullies. I know it sounds simplified, and I’ll admit the plan needs a little work; but I’m thinking of floating the idea at the next PTA meeting.