How big is big? In sporting arenas, the big TV’s are called Jumbotrons; massive fireworks displays are referred to as Colossal, and the optimistic fiancé terms her engagement ring as Extra Small. We owe these superlative size descriptions to the shrimp industry. The tiniest shrimp are classed as extra small; mediums are referred to as jumbos, and the top size is extra colossal! Take the word shrimp away from the seafood industry, and its definition becomes a description of anything that is small and miniscule. To further confuse the issue, the larger the shrimp, the smaller the amount to make a pound. Bartender, I need a fresh martini and a shrimp cocktail. (It comes with two shrimp!)
The title “man’s best friend”, can only hint at the level of affection that a dog feels for its master. Whether at your feet (or under them), in your lap, or waiting by the door, the canine wishes nothing more than to please its owner. They miss you when you’re away, and their life seems to go on paws (pause, sorry) until you return. If you die, they will mourn your gravesite in the hope that you will return.
In diabolical contrast to the canine, we have the feline; an animal species whose sharp claws can shred any attempt to be affectionate. These autocratic four-legged furballs live totally within and unto themselves. The biggest mistake potential cat owners make is buying these monsters when they are kittens; you can’t resist them! They will put up with their owners as long as their basic needs (food, shelter, etc.) are provided. In return they will destroy almost any household treasure within their reach, knowing deep down in their fuzzy little hearts that you will forgive them. My advice, seek therapy.
The envelope from AT&T made a bold statement. It said “Seconds Count”. An examination of the envelopes contents revealed a way to get quicker access to the Internet. Is that it? Is that what the term, Seconds Count means? All right folks; hold on here, what’s the rush? When did we become so impatient? Why do we have to have everything this instant? Let me put this in perspective for you: seconds count only when Jack Bauer is cutting the red wire (wrong one) to disable the bomb that will destroy the world, or the countdown for the Redskins to kick the winning field goal against the Seahawks. That’s it; nothing else matters in the world of seconds. To further extrapolate on time periods, hours, days, and sometimes weeks don’t matter in the great scheme of elapsing clocks and calendars. Slow down, smell a rose, kiss a baby. You can thank me later.
As a kid, I ate Wheaties because Joe DiMaggio did; in my late teens I smoked Lucky Strikes because Ted Williams did, and I used Vitalis on my hair because a lot of Hollywood stars said it was a good thing. My childhood and early years were formed on a foundation of what other people did. 80 years later I realized that nothing has changed. The ad industry on Madison Avenue discovered many years ago that personal endorsements move merchandise. The American consumer is easily manipulated by shiny objects that move at blinding speed on the TV screen as the voiceover seduces you into buying the product. A prime example: sneakers; when did they move from a basic shoe into a collectible item? How many pairs of sneakers is enough? Answer, two pair is one pair too many.