How much is too much? In a similar vein, how high is up? Here in Kingwood, there is a storage locker facility whose company logo reads: Enough’s Enough. The storage locker industry was conceived by the perception that consumers did not know when to stop consuming. Storing the obsolete, unnecessary, and unusual, spawned the idea that trash deserved a sheltered space, while we decided (or tried to forget about it), what to do about it. Phrases like, “It was my mother’s”, “It will appreciate in value.” “Do you realize how much I paid for those?” “Tell your daughter to take it with her.”, justify paying a monthly fee for a garage that is not near your home. Our storage lockers contain our consumer mistakes; our inability to say no to a bargain sale. To expedite buying errors in the future, we will depart the retail store with our purchase, and go directly to Goodwill to drop it off!
My personal observations have led me to this conclusion: most men are minimalists, and almost all women are expansionists. Case in point; man goes into a store to buy a pound of hot dogs. The clerk informs him that they carry only one brand. The guy says “Really? Okay, I’ll take it”. Same scenario, a woman enters, and hears the “One brand is all I have” spiel; her response, “Where’s the manager?!!” It is this demand for more choices that over the years, has produced more megastores, more shopping centers, and seven day a week shopping. Sunday, this used to be a day of leisure, relaxation, and reflection, has now become the busiest shopping day of the week. It’s a family event that everyone participates in. (You must take the kids with you, or they might trash the house) We need new draperies, bedspreads, golf shirts; in short, we need everything!!! Why? Because we’re bored with what we already possess.
“I hate my hair!” Exclaims milady, who, after examining her lackluster locks, and was disappointed in the frizzy, split ended coif, she observed in the mirror, had contemplated suicide. The hair products recommended by Antoine, (that Latin renegade!) had failed to live up to their promise of producing lush and luxurious tresses. I have never heard of a guy threatening to take action against his skull coverage; he may bitch about the lack of it, but he will never complain about its performance as the topper for the frame of his body.
I took notice of ten, count ‘em, ten different body creams for women under the same label. Ten identical containers with a pump top differentiated by words like aloe, antiaging, night, revitalizing, and five more descriptive adjectives, subtly promising a brand-new you, if you slather this cream on every day. Don’t get me started on skin treatments involving apricots, mangoes, and Portuguese Man ‘O War stomach linings!! Let’s face it; exotic fruits, honeybee wings, and pulverized rhino horns will never change the fact that you just may not be beautiful. There, I’ve said it, it’s out! Deal with it! The expression, “let’s put some lipstick on this porcine”, is serious dogma. Antoine would never tell you this. (But his brother Sydney might).
Sorry, it’s time to shave my legs; you wanna watch!!