When someone is not feeling well, he is said to be “under the weather”. When he recovers from this malady, how do we describe his state of being? Obviously, he is not “over the weather”, but is it safe to say that he is somewhere between taking solid food and a feeling of mass euphoria? Those huge machines called bulldozers are another language mystery. The word bulldozer, in two syllables, describes a huge mechanical arm capable of moving a 600 pound steer, under the control of a narcoleptic operator. Between naps, this behemoth is able to move amazing amounts of earth.
Picture a Super Bowl, many February’s in the past, where an elderly lady (Clara), banged on the counter in a fast food emporium and demanded “Where’s the beef?” Clara spoke for many Americans nationwide who were unhappy with the miniscule serving of beef on their bun. I believe we can safely say that Clara had a “beef” about her beef. The implied anger of a” beef,” carries a lot more weight than pork or veal.
Professional people watchers, (yours truly), have the ability to categorize people with their music. The headbangers group, easily recognized by their colorful (purple, green, and blue) spiked hair, facial metal, tattoos and wallets on chains, are fans of noise, screams, and shrieking from a stage. Sadly, these raucous sounds are the trademark of the youth that will eventually become tomorrow’s leaders. At the upper end of the music lover’s growth chart are the Lawrence Welk apostles, who tap their feet to the cadence of the bingo announcer calling B 17. Somewhere between the headbangers and the Welkers are the boring people; the perpetual wallflowers whose musical taste emanates from elevators, hotel lobbies, and carnival grounds. If you notice one of these folks applauding the elevators, move discreetly, but quickly away from them.
If a friend of mine told me about a certain product, service, babysitter etc., I would be inclined to buy the product, use the service, and hire the state babysitter, because he said so. That’s an endorsement. On TV, when a famous has-been star, sports hero, or beauty queen does the same thing, I immediately resent them intruding into my personal space. The commercial geniuses on James Madison Ave. in New York City apparently still believe (because it’s true) that this sort of advertising still works. In my youth, I can remember doctors pitching for cigarettes in magazines and on TV; they said it helped them to relax. Present day doctors (actors in white jackets), proclaim the latest pharmacy miracle drug will cure what ails you. Just watch out for those side effects, especially the one about death. Does anyone really believe that they can be as cool as Matthew McConaughey just by buying the car he drives on TV? A couple of other car companies are hawking their vehicles by using real people, not actors, to impress the suckers out in TV land. Amazingly enough, these “real people” are also impressed with the cars; who saw that coming? The dumbing down of the TV viewing audience obviously knows no boundaries.
If you’re having a conversation with someone and he says, “that’s neither here nor there”. I’m wondering where the hell that is. If the conversation reaches a heated impasse, and he wants to take it outside, and further says “we’ll settle this, mano a mano”; what do I do? Let’s have a show of hands; not the same people every time. All right students, same situation involving two women; what do we call it? It will be on Friday’s quiz.
I need some volunteers to help me stack the chairs. Come back here!!