Reading this out loud may be a challenge. Give it a try!
Herbie and Harry were partners in Helping Hands Inc. which was headquartered in Houston, and received funding from Health and Human Services. The hired help wore halos and used hula hoops to demonstrate to their clients the hazards of using handheld tools in their hands. Our two hapless heroes hired hamsters by the hour to hoist handkerchiefs if a client held a handheld tool. They would be harassed if they attempted to hand make a handmade hardback heavy-duty hitch-hiking size 18 telephone.
Harry enjoyed hounding headwaiters who hesitated about the helpings of halibut and herring at the Harborside Restaurant. He would hem and haw about the haddock and hamburgers as well. He threatened to hock up a hairball and do handsprings unless harmony was restored. Harry’s halitosis could halt a buffalo, and Helena, his hot hearted honey, warned him to only inhale while in her presence.
Herbie, by contrast, had a hell of a hankering for flowers. He converted a henhouse to a greenhouse for his hyacinths, hydrangeas, and hibiscus. It was Herbie’s hallmark to hire handsome handymen to harvest his beautiful flowers without harming the huckleberries. At Herbie’s hacienda, horses were harnessed by Herbies hand-picked handlers for guests to ride. They would hoop and holler on horseback, while hoping to hook up with their host at the headwaters of the river to hunt for hoodlums who said howdy.
Harry and Herbie both enjoyed hitting the highway on their Harley Hogs. The Harley dealer in Houston was Happy Hank’s Motors and Hula Hoop Sales and Service on Hollywood Boulevard. In addition to the Hogs, Herbie owned a Honda and Harry drove a Hyundai, causing hecklers to harass them, and forcing them to hide among the homeless. Houston, being a hotbed for the hibernation of hiccups in Harris County, caused hikers and hijackers alike to watch for headlights from oncoming hearses. Herbie had hardly had a chance to finish his hamburger at Hooters, before happy hour commenced with half-priced highballs for the highbrow high rolling hippies who wore homburgs to highlight their search for a hootenanny. Harmonizers around the hearth were humming “Hark, the Herald Angels”, when the hostesses became hostile toward the hot-blooded houseboys who were using headlocks on the headwaiters.
Harry, a cigar lover, pulled a Havana from his humidor and lit up. Horse whisperers were shouting at the horses that were playing hopscotch with the Holsteins. Harry was having a hoedown with a hoard of hysterical heathens, who were heartbroken about the hermits without permits ,who were trying to crash the Herbie Hancock concert.
Herbie enjoyed hiding in his hut hidden in his hillside hideaway. At night the hungry hyenas howled at the Holsteins, and caused havoc among the herds of horses. Herbie, who was hale and hardy, had the occasional hint of hemorrhoids, thereby causing him to walk like a hung-over hunchback. He used this handicap to hoodwink the healers into helping him heal by getting huge hugs from healthy hobbyists.
As we say farewell to Harry and Herbie, let’s recall the famous quote from Henry Higgins in the Broadway musical My Fair Lady. “In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire; hurricanes hardly happen”. Had enough?forcing him to