Facing the Facts

Read aloud to enhance the effect

Felipe and Fritz sold food on the ferry between Fairplay and Foulball on the Foxtail River. Between French fries and fudge sickles, Fritz felt free to falsify facts about the fifty flavors of fountain drinks they offered, in addition to the frozen fettuccine featured with the flounder fondue. Felipe forbid the use of fructose in the fiber filled Fruit Loops; instead he favored fermented flavors of fava beans. Fritz was a big fan of the farmers; fascinated by their faultless fervor when using the flora and fauna from their farm.

 A feud had flourished between the two fellows. Felipe favored the folk singers, while Fritz engaged the followers of forks in the road. Frequently, friendly fire erupted from the fistfights that had become a fixture of the feuds. They would faceoff at the footbridge near the fountains; getting a foothold by fortifying their fortress with former foursomes of foster parents. Futility followed, and foreshadowed the feud’s future. To forfeit the feud to the forks in the road, would allow the folk singers to freely forage the forest, in search of forty future ballads about famous felons who had found their freedom.

The feminine facets of this fable were Fifi and Flo. While FiFi was fair of face, Flo had more than a few fabulous freckles, sang falsetto, and falsified fashion forecasts. Regardless, the two were fast friends who fantasized about being finalists in the fandango finals in February. They functioned as foreman in the factory that fabricated facemasks for retired football fullbacks over fifty, who had played football for fun. In addition to football player facial gear, the factory fawned over Frankie Frisch, the Fordham Flash of baseball fame (Look it up).

Fifi found fault with Flo for forgetting to feed the ferrets the fifteen flounder fillets, and not taking them for their forty furlong race as a tune-up for the Fastest Ferret Competition. Flo blamed her ferret failures on her Ford Focus, which had failed its fiberglass field test by scoring only a five. Ford had forecast a foreboding future for the Focus. Their fanatic fan base held fundraisers and bonfires, thereby becoming a force with a formula to establish a Focus Foundation within a fortnight. Within forty eight hours, Ferrari and Fiat formed a firm of Fortune Five Hundred fiduciary fighters dedicated to filibustering the Focus recall. Fireworks exploded during the Foxtrot Festival as famous figureheads changed the filters on their deep fryers, while using falcons to spot felons in the forests.

Felipe and Fritz encouraged the feeble to fend for themselves, and permitted the foot fetish fanatics in their Florsheim’s, to fondle the forbidden feet. Adding fuel to the fire were the fortunetellers, and the farsighted forklift operators, who fanned the flames of the faithful farmers. They plowed their fields, felled the forest, and felt faint, ready to falter at the day’s finale.

The fedora wearing fault finders found fame by faking their own funerals. They would fib to old fogeys about financing fig farms in Florida. They faxed fiction in folders labeled footnotes which forced the foreclosures on Formula One racecars. These fowl deeds fostered the fulfillment of the faculty at the Facility for Fairness among Fatalists. A fullhouse beats a flush!