Caution! You are about to enter THE no-spin zone. The factor begins right now. This is Bill O’Reilly inviting you to a special broadcast from Fox news here on the 27th floor of the Fox news building in New York City. Here is our talking points memo: tonight’s topic; the Jack O’ Lantern mushroom. This species is fairly easy to identify; it grows in clusters on wood, its gills run down the stem, and its flesh is orange. According to every horticultural field guide and 90% of mushroom literature, its gills glow in the dark! While the jack-o’-lantern grows in the wild, its cousins, the commercial mushrooms are grown in complete darkness in small buildings in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. Mushroom farmers pay $70 a ton for horse manure from nearby racetracks to enrich the soil in order to grow these culinary marvels.
- I’m joined now by three talking heads, which between them have the brains of one medium size Portobello stuffed with crabmeat. After they have spoken, I will sum up their remarks in just one powerful, coherent, and comprehensive sentence.
- Let there be no question as to who is the media star on this special broadcast. Regular viewers of my show are reminded daily of the books I have written and which I shamelessly promote. If you wish to opine just go to “Bill O’Reilly.com”. We will discuss my custom-made shirts and suits on a future broadcast.
- My word for today is “sautéed”.
- Just remember; we’re looking out for you.
- The upcoming interview from a remote studio in the mountains of Montana, population 875, will be simulcast to Fox affiliates throughout the United States. Please stand by.